When a man and a woman decide to get married, they are bringing together two different families. They may well come from families with different religious backgrounds, different incomes, different social circles, and so on. These are some tips on how to plan a wedding that will be enjoyable for both the bride and the groom’s families, however different they may be.
The first sign of trouble often comes up when deciding where to have the wedding. If the bride’s parents are very religious, they will probably expect her to get married in their church. Problems can arise if the groom’s family is from a different religious background or follows no religious traditions at all. Compromise and respect are the keys to solving this problem. If the bride and groom come from two different faiths, an inter-faith ceremony with officiants from both of their churches can work well. If one family is religious and the other is not, a ceremony in a church can be handled in a way that will make the non-religious guests feel more at ease. For instance, you can have a Catholic wedding without the full Mass or include tips about what to do during the ceremony in the wedding program.
The reception location can sometimes pose a problem as well. Maybe the bride’s family expects her to wear her mother’s pearl bridal jewelry and have her reception at the family’s country club, just like her sister did. But perhaps the groom’s family would feel uncomfortable in a club, and find the location to be too “stuffy”. A good compromise might be to have a tented wedding on the golf course. Guests would not be required to wear jackets, and outdoor weddings just tend to feel more relaxed. Or maybe the bride’s family usually has casual cookouts for events like weddings, but the groom’s relatives like swankier setting. A dressed up outdoor reception could fit the bill.
Alcohol can be a sticking point when one family likes to party and the other side is mostly teetotalers. When the bride’s family is the one that does not drink, it may come down to their preference. It depends on how adamant her parents are on the issue of alcohol. Maybe they would be comfortable offering a selection of beer and wine, but no hard liquor. It is not, however, okay to have only a cash bar. If you are morally opposed to alcohol, you should not serve any; a good host does not say that they will have cocktails but refuse to pay for them because they will not partake. If it is the groom’s family that does not drink, but the bride’s side does, the chances are that there will be alcohol present at the reception (assuming the bride’s family is hosting the event). They can show respect by not making a big deal about the alcohol (no vodka luges or margarita bars!) and also by setting up a separate bar with a great selection of non-alcoholic beverages.
Cultural differences are sometimes a factor when the couple is from two different ethnic backgrounds. In this case, educating both families about the other one’s customs is the best solution. There should be a way to honor the heritage of both the bride and groom; compromise is key. Perhaps the bride’s parents are Chinese and want her to wear a red gown (red is the lucky wedding color in China), but the groom has always envisioned his bride in a long white gown and classic pearl bridal jewelry. She could wear the white gown down the aisle and a fabulous red cheongsam for the reception. everyone will be happy and the bride gets to wear two fabulous dresses – a win-win situation.
While it is never easy to please people with different tastes or beliefs, a little compromise and a lot of patience can really help. If both sides try to keep an open mind, they just might find that the other family has some really neat wedding customs.
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