How Can You Truly Forgive Someone You Love?

Many times you’ve heard friends tell you to forgive and move on. You may have read in magazines and maybe on the internet that forgiving people who have hurt you will take off the stress and help you enjoy your peace of mind.

Some people, however, just find it hard to let go and move on with their lives. They continue to carry a heavy baggage in themselves that burden their soul as time goes by. No matter how often share their hatred and disappointments with friends and therapists, they are still not able to change their attitude towards that person who have caused them pain, sorrow or disappointments.
But psychologists confirm that the act of forgiving a person who’s wronged you can be learned. Dr. Fred Luskin, a psychologist who’s studied forgiveness for almost 20 years and author of the book “Forgive for Good” pointed out that there are two main steps to the process of forgiving. These two are grieving and letting go.
The grieving part, he said, helps people feel all the emotions after being hurt. But this is not permanent because after some sufficient time, they should be able to move on.
The second stage is letting go. This means not holding a grudge to the person who has hurt you. Normally, you will be able to do this after you’re done with the grieving part.
Being able to forgive has great benefits to a person’s physical and emotional well being. It boosts your self esteem, improves your relationship with other people, reduces the stress and the risk of depression, based on the findings of some studies. Researchers found that when a person forgives, certain regions of the brain became more active. In short, the cerebral blood flow improved as a result of the act.
On the other hand, research has also shown the benefits of the act in one’s physical health. Dr. Kathleen Lawler-Row of the East Carolina University confirmed that forgiving plays a major role in lowering a person’s blood pressure and improving sleep. People then become more flexible and refrain from expecting too much from life.
In terms of disposition, it’s been found that people who have let go of their hurt feelings are normally happier and able to accept the challenges that lie ahead.
Keep in mind that forgiving a person is about being sincere and honest in your act and not just pretending you’re willing to let go of your grudge or hatred. Experts point out that forgiveness means allowing yourself to feel all the emotions of hurt, grief and anger but at the same time learning how to be kind and compassionate.
It’s your choice that matters. And if you choose to forgive, the more that it will benefit you moving forward. You may not have to do the act immediately after you’ve been hurt but learning how to do it in due time is your best option. You have to make a decision as to when to do it and how. What’s important is you let go eventually of your negative emotions to become a better and happier person.
For information on family therapists, please visit The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory, one of the top directories for therapists in the US and Canada.
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