People really do have the best of intentions when they get married. We all promise to love each other through thick and thin, despite illness and through the twists and turns that are inevitable when living with someone for many, many years. We have little control over the direction of our own life and so trying to anticipate what path a marriage will take requires a crystal ball that none of us possesses. Many things can influence a marriage and one day the person you married over a decade ago seems to have changed. If learning ways to save a marriage is important to you, hopefully this article will be of some use. But there really are some tried and true ways of learning how to save a marriage that have worked for others and can work for you.
Remove Your Ego
It is so easy when things start to go south in a marriage to focus on the other person or worse, speak only of the hurt they are causing you. Remembering that you both were making vows to get married, assuming that you both are committed to saving a marriage – your marriage – means removing your ego from the equation. What does that mean? It means a few things.
Stop thinking in terms of saving my marriage, but think about the two of you and your collective wants. Remember that your spouse’s needs are just as important as yours.
Stop the blame game; this is easier said than done. Things happen; people say things that are hurtful. It is important to remember that you both contributed to what went wrong in the marriage and as such, learning how to save a marriage is a two-way street. Instead of approaching your spouse with, “I hate it when you…” fill in the blank, ask yourself, is this in line with learning how to save a marriage – this is your marriage after all. Instead, think of ways that celebrate the marriage and not ones that made your ego bruised. Think of your spouse and his or her needs in all this. If you both are doing this, and are less focused on “I” then you are starting to learn ways to save a marriage.
Pick Your Battles
Arguing about every little thing your spouse ever did is counterproductive and does nothing toward how to save a marriage. A solid marriage doesn’t need to have fights in it because each spouse learns new ways to communicate with one another. If you are still stuck on, “who left the toothpaste cap off the tube,” or focusing on why dinner was burned, one thing you’re not thinking about is how to save a marriage. Ask yourself this question when your spouse does something annoying, “is it worth pointing it out or will it detract from ways to save a marriage – our marriage?”
Live in the Moment
Being stuck on the past is just as counterproductive in learning how to save a marriage as inserting your ego into every little thing that happens in your marriage. Bringing up things that happened 15 years or three months ago doesn’t do anyone any good. As things happen and if some of those things are hurtful, it’s okay, as you are working on ways to save a marriage, to sit down with your partner and say, “hey, that hurt,” or “I didn’t like that, can we please talk about that?” Reminding him or her that he or she said something hurtful months ago isn’t going to do either of you any good.
In short, learning about ways to save your marriage takes a special blend of:
TimePatienceWillingnessBeing in the PresentRemoving Your Ego
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